On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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