I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
