Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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