I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Porn is love you can see.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
