yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize