Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
