Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
