I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize