Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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