that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
