ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
