My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
