I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
birth control should be required to get into college
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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