I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
