my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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