He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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