I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
