I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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