Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
