I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize