I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
