It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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