I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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