how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
