he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
