Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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