She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
whose parrot is this?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
