Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize