hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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