dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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