Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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