Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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