Little spoons don't ask big questions
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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