I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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