We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
