I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
