My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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