We're facebook friends in real life
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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