I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
