Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
