I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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