I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize