I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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