Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
