You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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