just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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