she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
