We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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