I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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