I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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