he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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