Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
