we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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