Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
high people should be assigned attendants
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
