FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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