so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
