he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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