Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
