I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
