i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
