I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
