you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
