TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
