i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize