i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
