Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
