I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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