Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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