I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
