I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I skipped work to stalk him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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