i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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