A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
