im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
