dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize