I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
