i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize