So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
