Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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