Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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