This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
