Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
