i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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