I am puke
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
