Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
