have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize