rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize