my vag is so smooth its legendary
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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