I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
