I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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