3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
