My first STD was from a foam party
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
