her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
