Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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