and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
