your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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