Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
