In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize