Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
