Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
