please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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