Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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