i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize