after a month anything with tits is on the radar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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