just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
