Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
