my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
