If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
